How to know it’s Ok to be You

Six signposts

Would you like to gain more control over your life, find a way to lift yourself out of that negative energy cycle and be more compassionate, forgiving, understanding towards yourself and others?

Of course, who wouldn’t?

The problem is …how? How do we manifest this functional lifestyle?

We already know the answers Peter Canova in his recent book Quantum Spirituality says that ‘…all the wisdom we need lies sleeping inside of us.’ (Canova (2022, p.4). Erkhart Tolle, widely recognised as one of the most spiritually influential teachers in the world today, informs us, ‘You do not become good by trying to be good, but by finding the goodness that is already within you and allowing that goodness to emerge.’ (Tolle 2005, p.13).

Even the Bible tells us that ‘The Kingdom of God is within you.’ (Luke 17:21). In other words, we already know the answers, we just need to dig deep enough to find them. So how do we access this fount of knowledge? How do we feel more on top of life rather than squashed by it?

1. Be brave enough to dig deep

It takes a brave soul to ‘dig deep’. Our natural inclination is to look outside ourselves for solutions. It’s much easier to blame our neighbour/colleague/boss for our problems and look to society/the government/the system to solve them than it is to consider our own contribution to the situation.

2. Accept our Shadow

Jungian psychology talks about the need to accept the Shadow: that part of the unconscious mind which houses those desires and impulses considered negative or unacceptable by the conscious mind. If left buried or repressed these instinctual drives can cause a loss of self- control resulting in uncharacteristic behaviour. Understanding, accepting and forgiving ourselves for these ‘failings’ is the path to self-empowerment and self-love.

More often than not we are aware of these negative personality traits …but in others, not ourselves. Declaring that someone just loves to be the centre of attention, we might overlook the desire, hidden deep inside ourselves, to be more popular, more charismatic. Projecting our faults on to others becomes a common pastime; one finger forward, three back, as they say.

3. Know we are all the same

The truth is …we all have these faults. Once we understand the interconnectedness of life, once we realise that, the world over, we all have the same basic need to love and be loved, to connect and belong, we are on our way to that elusive state of happiness: self-awareness, self-acceptance and self-love.

Angela Boring in her recent Brainz article on Feeling Suicidal tells us that the ‘two key elements that can serve as powerful preventative measures (to suicide). … are connection and hope.’

Accepting that the faults we see in others are also in us leads us to understanding others better, to feeling more connected and more hopeful that we are not alone in an alien world.

4. Understand our triggers

Understanding our triggers therefore, knowing that the reactions they provoke more than likely emanate from childhood moments when we were forced into situations which were embarrassing, frustrating, frightening or even abusive, is key to accepting our faults, our Shadow side.

What is sometimes not understood however, is that the body retains a visceral memory of these moments and will react as if the threat of that embarrassing, frustrating, frightening or abusive situation is still present. At these times an effective self-check is to do the following:

• Take a deep breath…in through the nose and out slowly through the lips as if you were blowing a thin stream of air as far out as possible. In yoga we call this the Golden Thread Breath
• Say to yourself at the same time ‘This is only an emotion …E... nergy in motion. It will pass.’
• Ask yourself, ‘Is my reaction here in proportion to the situation?’
• If not, know that it is a trigger from your past, accept it for what it is and make a mental note to try to discover its origin at some time in the future.

5. Become aware of our true potential

Deep understanding of yourself can open the gateways to true potential. An interview for a job works both ways after all. Our natural inclination is to want to create an image: a persona which will fit the specifications of the desired position. What, however, is the point of a creative, sensitive introvert going for a job in marketing or a socially outgoing extravert applying to be a proof reader working from home?

Knowing yourself means knowing, not only your Shadow (your hidden failings), but also your hidden potential.

My lifetime’s work as a dramatherapist has been in helping children discover their hidden potential. Through their natural medium of play and metaphor they tell me the stories of their lives: what distresses them, what worries them and what makes them happy. In this way their voices are heard, witnessed and validated. And somehow, amazingly, these children are able to access an inner knowing: ‘that wisdom that …is sleeping inside them’. Given the stage and the props, they are able to write their own scripts and bring about their own healing.

6. Take the journey within

As adults we have mostly lost the ability to work creatively and playfully through our own process and bring about our own healing. We need guidance, pointers along the way.

Over the next few months, through a series of articles, using the framework of the Celtic cycle of seasons and the medium of writing as therapy, I will offer you these pointers: signposts to the most exciting journey you have ever undertaken: the journey to the centre of You.

Beginning at the Winter Solstice and delving into your roots to understand where you have come from, we will continue our journaling journey through who you are and what you might become until we arrive at Samhain, the end of the Celtic year, with the deep realisation that, whatever the answers to these questions, it’s really OK to be You.

References

Boring, A (2023) Feeling Suicidal. How do I help my friend? BRAINZ magazine September 27th.

Canova, P (2022) Quantum Spirituality. Vermont: Bear and Company.

Tolle, E (2005) A New Earth. London: Penguin Group.